Monday, February 23, 2009
Every once in a while, discontent rises up and tries to have it's way in my mind... Discouragement in general is something that we all can struggle with, when all the news is bad...economy, prospects, the job you are working at that isn't fulfilling, broken relationships.
So today, I was feeling a little blah. As I prayed about it, I began to feel thankful for the things that I have (and owe to my singleness) that other women don't. While it is true that a certain amount of aloneness, allows one the lack of discipline to do certain things-- (no one but me is affected by the empty Wendy's cup that sits on my desk, waiting to meet the trash)-- it also allows one a startlingly refreshing freedom, to do exactly what you intend to do!!
And so, I have had one of the most delightful evenings I have had, in weeks. It started with following through with saying "I've got to get back to the gym." Even though EVERYTHING in me said, "You are too tired, start tomorrow" and "You've been away a while, and probably won't last a full 30 min of cardio"-- I pressed on, finished that 30 minutes, gathered a free coupon I had for a 1 pound salad at Ukrops ( local grocery that you are probably jealous that you don' t have) and decided that tonight would be about celebrating what I have.
I have lived in a third world country, where produce is not always available or appealing. I love fruits and veggies. There is no reason not to give my body the healthy things that we have teeming in our stores! I also decided to buy a $4.50 magazine... (I am used to being in the "I don't really need that" mode, in an effort to get out of debt and launching the jewelry business)... and I'll tell you, that magazine was a real blessing to me! It had relevant articles and great recipes, and I felt my Heavenly Father saying, "It is ok to refresh and renew with things that bring you joy." Joy is hard to find sometimes here. Here, in this location, but here in this season as well. Like finding a tiny speck of red paint on a drab gray canvas. Gray is exactly how I would describe this time. Everything is so gray-- from steely, to storm cloud, but gray, nonetheless.
So there I was, eating my lovely salad, full of nutrition and glistening with garlic olive oil dressing, really savoring it, really enjoying the combination of flavors, instead of rushing through another meal to get on with the next task. That (I have discovered) is how I gain weight-- by not being mindful of food. But I found myself being SO happy with that salad, and reading my magazine-- you have no idea! I took my sweet old time, knowing I had nothing waiting for me at home, but the shower. I decided I didn't give a hoot about not getting to my "other job" of promoting, posting, photographing and strategizing my little fledgling business. Orders will come in or not. But the reason I am not working elsewhere, is to have time to do things like this. Even Jesus "regrouped". And He encouraged the disciples to do the same. He knew "burnout" before burnout was!
I came home, the good kind of tired, and the good kind of full.. made myself some peppermint tea, finished the magazine, and took a gloriously warm shower (it is SO cold outside). Nighttime showers are always so much better than am ones. No rush! I've been online a little. But not working... and I am getting ready to turn in. I feel so much better than I did leaving work at 5pm! And I have Singleness to thank. And the Lord for reminding me that He is sovereign and encouraging me to be patient, and wait for His time, and cultivate an attitude of grattitude. I recommend it, highly!